Know Thyself a.k.a. Journal #8

Both chapter 14 and 24 of Zinnser's book tie directly into my Creative Writing: Nonfiction class this semester. I've written a family memoir and a personal essay and the other forms of nonfiction require me to really dig deep into myself and my memories to write. I have written about things of which I am passionate or have effected me greatly. However, my grades have not been great. Why? Not bad grammer and I'm pretty strict on my use of punctuation. No, my biggest downfall is something else. Something that even my teacher can't put a finger on. I think it is that I don't know myself well enough to say anything.

Zinnser talks about students often feeling like they need permission. I don't. I don't think I need to write what the teacher wants in order to get high marks. I often write what I find out through reading or research even though not all of my papers are research papers. I don't need permission, I need to know something about myself. Am I alone in feeling like I'm a stranger to myself? Is everyone else walking around with a firm grasp on who they are? If that's true, I don't know what I will do.

I know that I've written about this before; the question of how I can write about myself when I don't know myself. I write about it so much because I think it is a real problem for me. I approach writing from a very rigid step-by-step method which sometimes has passion. I don't think I have anything good to say. If I do, when I write it I am so emotional about it that it takes a million drafts to make it clear to other readers. It is importantt to note here that I often don't have the time to do a million drafts and so I receive a lot of remarks from teachers regarding clarity or more detail.

I guess my writing goal is tied very much to this notion of self-discovery. When I finally find myself, which I hope is soon, I will write you and let you know what I find out.