What I Want to be When I Grow Up a.k.a. Journal #4

I couldn't stop crying, it was totally embarrasing. Who cries over homework? Apparently that's me. Reading Jim Sheeler's piece on the Marine's who notify families of deceased military men and women was deeply emotional for me. That's what I want to be when I grow up. If writing is something that remains in my future, I want to write with the clarity, precision and emotion of Jim Sheeler.

When 9/11 happened, I really didn't understand what all of the hype was about. When I think about my reaction now, I shudder with disgust. Although I didn't understand the significance of who or why I still could have shown some compassion for the people killed in that moment of impact with the towers. As the war has progressed and support has decreased I have been on the fence, I admit this freely. Sheeler's piece however, put a different face on the war in Iraq.

I felt like I was there in the room with the families. The most chilling moments were when he was writing about the pregnant wife and her screams that passangers missed. I thought to myself, "This is so much bigger than I ever let myself believe." I have always been opposed to the armed forces and the need for them in the first place. I remember once in high school getting a call from someone in the military trying to recruit me. I ended up giving him a thirty minute lecture about how what he did for a living was wrong and I would never be caught supporting murder in the name of democracy. I never understood how naive I was until I read this article.

Sheeler's article conveyed so many things all at one time. Facts, emotion, the human element. How can you write with that much passion about devastation? Reading this article made me rethink how I view the men and women who fight for my rights and freedoms. Not to sound cliche, but I'm proud to be an American although I know this country's not perfect.

I would like to meet Jim one day and ask him all kinds of things about what his year long investigation taught him, how it changed him. Simply reading it for the purposes of our class, I was changed. That's what journalism is all about I think. I want to be a part of something like that one day.